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Day: March 10, 2008

A day for questions

A day for questions

I woke up late this morning and I am just now settling down to my coffee.  Yesterday was one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time.  My muscles went crazy in what I can only describe as a symphony of spasms.  The pain was just this side of unbearable; I have never known fear as I did yesterday.  I went from laying in the bed to laying on the loveseat writhing in pain and passing out.

I got my blood draw last week and I am sure the results are in by now.  I am scared to call my rheumy’s office.  What if all of my numbers look OK?  That would be a good thing, right?  But then, why are my muscles doing this, and where do I turn to find out what’s going on?  Then I think, what if my numbers are really bad, what the hell is happening to me?

In the 2 years since I got sick, I have had so many misdiagnoses, wrong turns, neglectful docs, (not the ones I have now) that I am fearful for what is happening now.  Will anyone listen to me?  Are they going to say it is for the other doctor to try and figure out?  I am scared to make that call, scared to be let down with none of them wanting to deal with these new symptoms.  I feel very helpless.  I don’t like my fate being in the hands of someone else’s judgment call.  I NEED to be able to get the point across that I CAN NOT live like this for one more day.  I need someone to hear me and care enough to try and find out what is causing my muscles to attack me.  I’m OK when it comes to the known during flares, but this new stuff is so far out into the unknown territory for me it is scaring me to death.

Wish me luck…any and all prayers greatly appreciated.

Until next time

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