Earlier today I’m sitting out back and the woman who lives in the house behind us is watching me. I can tell because I feel that feeling you get when someone is watching you and sure enough, when I turn to look, her head disappears in her window. I’m in my bathrobe at 4 in the afternoon with a case of the most ridiculous bedhead and I’m crying. I see her and I wonder, what is she thinking? Let me backtrack..
We moved into our house about 3 years ago. Our neighborhood is an old one, houses built in the late 50’s. Most of the residents have been here that long, some living in the houses they grew up in as kids. There aren’t many renters here, and the turnover is almost nonexistent. So, when we moved in there was a lot of curiousity about us. Back then it was only the Big C and I and we were both very busy individuals. He works 60+ hours a week and I was working two jobs. We lived here alone for about a year, then my daughter and her daughter and my father moved in. Our home is a tri-level with enough room for all of us. There is a very old woman down the street who walks around the blocks almost non-stop with her dog. I noticed that neighbors would almost run up their driveways to their doors as they saw her approach. She would shout out, “Hi there!” before they could make it and then talk talk talk. Whenever she saw me she would look the other way. I found out soon after when C and I went out to dinner at the local bar & grill down the street that the old woman was telling everyone that we were drug dealers. Ha! We were playing pool when a couple came up to us and introduced themselves as neighbors from around the corner. They knew who we were from our infamous tag as dealers. The wife told me that the old woman was telling everyone that we sold drugs. I couldn’t believe it. Nor could I believe that we had moved into an area so chatty. I asked why would she think this? And I was told because we had so many cars. Un be lievable. We went from just C and I to living in a 4 generational home and we were drug dealers. I was pissed and I told her so. She said not to worry, the old woman was half-baked and a gossip. But, people tend to believe something that they’ve heard, over and over. Time goes on.
Every summer there is a block party. Every summer we receive an invitation, and every summer I am too sick to go on that particular day. C went the first two years then this year, I was so sick he stayed home to help me. A week before the block party one of the women who was helping to organize it came to our door to see if we were going. My mother was over and answered the door and told her that we wouldn’t, that I was ill and the woman asked if it was because of my lupus. Whaaaa? So somehow the whole neighborhood knows that I am sick. They are misinformed, but that’s beside the point. I can’t stand knowing that everyone knows or believes they know my business. Ever since that block party, the house behind us keeps the blinds to their back rooms open. They always had them closed for privacy as our backyard completely backs up to 2 of their bedroom windows. It’s a tight squeeze. I feel like I have no privacy at all and I can’t stand that. Our yard is long and narrow with the narrow part being front to back. When I am really sick I go outside, especially to cry. I don’t like anyone seeing me cry, and now I have the neighbors watching me. Wonderful. Why does she watch me? And what is she thinking? And why do I care? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am used to living in an area where people kept mostly to themselves, and now we are in a tight community where jaws flap and lips tell stories that are based on nothing but the ramblings of a nosy old woman.
I feel violated. Is that silly? All I know is, when I am hurting really bad and I need a place to go that is away from my family and is in my own yard, I am being watched and it bothers me. I need a place to cry, to pray, to pull myself back together without eyeballs watching every movement. That’s it. What a long vent huh?
Until next time~
Oh yeah, I got a new camera; a Nikon D60, and I’ve taken some pretty cool shots if I do say so myself. I’m going to post a couple in my Happy Snaps. Check em out and tell me what you think! Only if it’s good though. Lie if you must. Ok, until next time