Depression=self-imposed isolation

Depression=self-imposed isolation

It’s been a while since I have written anything at all. Other than this blog I have waaaay too many social networking sites and photo sites and mom sites and anything-you-can-think-of sites. They all have pretty much just been sitting there in my browser. I don’t read much anymore, I don’t watch tv, I’m not even sleeping right anymore. I either have insomnia or I can’t wake up. I know that this is depression. I just don’t know how to snap out of it.

I have been so down that I didn’t want to live before. I don’t feel that way now, I just don’t seem to care and that’s not like ‘me’. The real me. The real Michelle is happy, goofy, always laughing or making someone else laugh at her, chatty, phone-talkin, computer typin, dancing, going out places, shopping, ms. make-up face, etc. I am the anti-me. The bizarro Michelle (Seinfeld? ha).

I want my old life back and I can’t seem to let go of that lately. I will be in the car with The Big C going anywhere and I’ll see women walking and I wonder-where are they going? And they are walking there? I wanna do that! Do they still work? Are they happy? I bet they are not sick and in pain. This is not healthy to be wondering about stranger’s lives and feeling jealous of their health. I don’t feel jealous of the health of anyone I know, just strangers and the people that I don’t like, ha! I’m like, ‘it’s not fair that so-and-so; the most despicable, narcissistic, worst parent in the world can just jump up in the morning and go to work and go on vacations to other countries and go camping and yadda yadda yadda. ( I can’t stand this woman for good reason, she is awful to her children) And here I am, a woman with a great family who recently graduated from college after going back to school as an adult. I finally got to work in the field that I always wanted, to help and care for people acheter viagra. I am still really pissed that I was robbed of that, I was only in the field for a year before it hit me. I had a healthy social life. We as a family would go camping, hiking etc. I loved to go shopping, gambling, dancing, traveling, driving, living life!!!! I want that woman back so bad it hurts. And it’s not going to happen. There is no cure. I almost typed out, this is it. But I don’t want this to be it. I’m still in my jammies laying on my bed feeling sorry for myself. I’m usually more likely to be giving out advice to someone else who is sick like me, and making them laugh or something really goofy site.

How do I snap out of this? It’s just not going away and I can’t be that fun to be around to the people who are stuck here living with me. And I need to call my bff. I’m 41 and I just said bff. Maybe I am coming back. I need to close the computer and get on the phone.

Until next time,

Michelle

3 thoughts on “Depression=self-imposed isolation

  1. Hi,I pray The LORD Jesus will bring you out,and for someone else I know also. Jesus loves you,He
    Can give you victory,an for salvation we just ask Him to forgive our sins,invite Him in our hearts.He is
    Faithful an Just to forgive ALL our sins. CBN.com is a great site. Thanks for your time,God Bless an
    Speak to you an us all in Jesus Mighty Name,Amen,Shalom

  2. Darling, I know how you feel, trust me i do and i wish that i can be there to help you and cheer you up at least,I hope you are much better now.Take care and loads of love xxxxxxx

  3. MICHELLE,
    IT WILL GET BETTER, INSIDE YUOR HEAD! THAT’S WHERE WE ALL NEED TO START THE WORK, IT IS AN INSIFE JOB. READING YOUR WORDS ARE SO SAD, AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN RHIS ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN SO STRONG, BUT I DO KNOW THE TOLL IT TAKES ON ME , AND SO MANY OTHERS OF US, SO I KNOW THAT YOUR BEING HUMAN, THAT IT MUST HAVE AN EFFECT ON YOU. I ALSO KNOW THAT OTHERS USED TO THINK THAT I WAS SO INVINCIABLE THAT NOTHING COULD EVER TOUCH ME, AND WOULD ASK ME”WHAT’S WRONG, NOT YOU” YES ME, YES ME, I AM WHO i AM TODAY, WHAT EVER THAT IS AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT IN TIME, AND I HAVE FOUND THROUGH YOU, THAT I AM LOVED AS I AM. I KNOW THAT YOU TOOO, ARE LOVED BY YOUR FAMILY FOR WHO YOU ARE, JUST AS YOU ARE.

    DON’T EVER THINK OF GIVING UP, AND I KNOW THAT YOU WON’T NOT ANY MORE, NOT WITH ALL THAT YOU HAVE, JSUT KNOW THAT ON THE BAD DAYS, THAT YOU WILL GET THROUGH THEM, AND THEM HAVE A BETTER DAY, THAT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE MUSCH, BUT LOOK FOR THOSE BETTER DAYS WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT, AND PRAY, PRAY AND GOD WILL CONT TO GIVE YOUR LIFE MORE GOOD IN IT, AND KEEP LOOKING FOR ALL THE GOOD THAT THERE IS. I FORGET TO LOOK FOR THE GOOD, ANND IT IS ALL AROUND ME, JUST STARING AT ME, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS THANK GOD FOR IT, AND FOR YOU.

    ALWAYS LOVE,
    DEBBIE

Talk to me! :)

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