My Angel!
My Angel!

I finally made it to see the rheumatologist at the hospital. I had to cancel my appointment a couple of weeks ago because my dad showed up at my door in a state of dementia.  I didn’t give them the reason why I had to reschedule, and they set the appointment out a few months.  I was so upset. The next day they called with an opening for the following week.  It’s unheard of there so I figure God was listening.

It wasn’t easy getting ready to go.  For the past month, maybe even two, I have been mostly horizontal.  My body is failing me in so many ways it’s hard for me to even talk about it.  I laid in bed until the last possible moment time-wise and then climbed the stairs to get in the shower.  I hate to say this or even type it but showering is near impossible for me.  I have to use a step stool to sit on


, ugh, I won’t even go there.  So my and C finally get into the car and we are almost on time for the hour and fifteen minute ride.  I’m out of breath, sweating like crazy (it was about 40 degrees) and shaking.  All I wanted to do was go get back in bed and close my eyes and pray.

Minutes after meeting the doc I was hopeful.  He LISTENED to me, very important in trying to diagnose.  He asked so many relevant questions.  I felt like I was being heard for the first time in a long time.  He talked to us about the tests he was going to do and wants to see me back in 4 weeks.  I was a little surprised as I thought it was a one shot deal.  I want him as my rheumatologist and am going to ask when we go back.

Since my appointment was the last of the day, their labs and x-ray were closing down.  He actually ran to his office to put the orders in and walked us to the lab.  I have never ever seen a doc go out of his way like that.  I actually cried.  What a doofus, I know.  It felt good to have some hope.  I need answers just as much as I need some relief.

Have you ever had a doc go above and beyond?  If so, is this the norm for your specialists?

Until next time


12 thoughts on “Hope

  1. I’m glad to hear that you got in to see the rheumatologist and that he is a good one. The most important thing is that you feel like you are truly being listened to and your concerns matter…so no you certainly are not a dufus for getting emotional over finding a doctor who truly cares.

    1. Hey Andrea
      Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment 🙂 You are right. Sometimes I get down on myself, but I know. I am so glad, fortunate, and blessed to have found a rheumatologist who cares AND is willing to go the extra mile.
      Take care and be well,

  2. Michelle,

    I wish for the day that one of my specialists goes above and beyond, or even slightly out of their way for me. I’m glad the world is giving you hope, I know how it feels to live with a chronic illness.

    I like your blog 🙂


    1. Hey Annie,
      Thanks for stopping by 🙂 Now I’m wishing for that day for you too. It was definitely a first and man, what a difference in how you feel when you leave. Less frightened.
      I stopped by your blog and I like yours too. Want to be friends? Check y for yes or n for no…LOL, do you remember those notes as a kid? Or am I totally dating myself…
      Aiight, I’ll stop by again and say hey,

  3. michelle!

    i support your decision to blog “warts and all.” as important as it is to keep working in a positive direction, sometimes things just blow. and it’s not wrong to admit it or acknowledge that you feel bad. (my mom stopped telling any of us when she was sick or if things were bad b/c she didn’t want to always unload bad news on us. it just meant we didn’t know what was really happening with her, or when she needed help.)

    that said i’m trying to look at the bright side of having only one half of my head congested, but am all crabby about it.

    also, in your other post, that pic of Bean looks just like you as a little girl! 🙂


    1. Hey missy,
      You have been on my mind. You were always on my miiiinnnnddddd~willie, haha! You are right, I know. Right now I don’t feel like me, and I can’t explain it any better than that. I’ve ALWAYS been able to talk about anything, and I am second guessing anything and everything I type, I am editing myself and I just have to stop it. I think it comes with the depression. I am still trying to climb up out of that sink-hole.
      Alright world, I’m opening up, be ready for sadness, optimism, bitching and some cool info too. What a package deal 🙂

      I need to write you the mother-of-all-emails. I have your address, now I just need to flex my fingers and type.
      love you
      Oh-she is so much prettier! And outgoing. I am positive HER sixth grade teacher will not nickname her Mouse….

  4. Hi Michelle,
    I am so glad that you found an attentive rheumatologist and I really hope that he will be able to give you some relief. I have been going through my own doctor nightmare of late. I know how hard it is when your body fails you. I hope that this new year is easier on your body than the last year has been.

    1. Hey Jo-Ann,
      Thank you 🙂 I have to admit, this last year has been so crappy. I almost said pure hell, but looking beyond myself and my body I have so much to be happy about and thankful for.
      I stopped by your blog and read your list. Amen. I need to take some of your advice and apply it-knowing my own bod better than the docs. I can’t tell you how many times I let myself suffer while they tested. And I FINALLY let my house go. lol. I used to be OCD about it, a clean house or dirty, that’s how my mood went. sigh.
      You know, I’ve put myself into practical seclusion, and I really do need to talk to people with the same things going on. I might just stop by now and then and bug ya ;0)
      I hope that you are feeling better and wishing you pain-free and stress-free days. Getting up in the morning and not feeling the RA, but the ‘old you’. Feels like walking on a cloud! (I think I”m gonna wish it for me too, lol)

  5. Oh, my. You are NO doofus. RA pain is so incredibly hard to endure, Michelle. I’m so glad you got to a rheumatologist and that he’s a GOOD one, a doctor with compassion and concern for his patients. I hope he also prescribed something, in the meantime, to help you mitigate the pain while the tests are run and a diagnosis can be made. It all seems to take a lot of time, and I think sometimes they (the docs and the labs) forget that there are living, breathing, hurting people behind those tests, depending on them. If he didn’t prescribe, please be sure to call his office and ask about getting some kind of painkiller. You have to be your own advocate as you deal with this disease.

    My heart goes out to you. Know that it CAN get better and that it WILL. You’re doing the right thing, writing about your frustration and pain and allowing others, like myself, who also have RA rally around you with support and compassion.

    Take care, Michelle. We’re waiting to hear how you’re doing.

    1. Thank you. Thank you! I have been staying away from blogging because I feared I would write and it would all come out negatively. I am so trying to stay positive, and I don’t want to seem like I’m whining. I think I think too much, lol. I decided before this post that I was going to continue to blog, warts and all.

      I am very grateful for your caring and concern. YOU made me day 🙂 I do have pain medication. I just recently had my meds reevaluated as they weren’t coming close to easing the pain and I was using my break-through meds daily. My pain doc knows me well, and knows that I can ‘hang in there’ and just deal with the pain, so when I told him he upped my dose, and I’m feeling optimistic about that too.

      Thanks again Wren. A kind word goes a long way. I hope that you are having an UP day and I’m sending positive energy your way hun.

  6. Glad to see you blogging again. I know the feeling that your body is failing you. My current medication regiment isn’t working and I just wanted to give up, but I don’t have that choice. I have a whole lot of people depending on me everyday to feel better or at least, to make the best of it all. My next appointment is in a month and a half, but I think I may make an earlier appointment to talk to my rheumy about a different strategy. Good luck to you. I hope things work out.

    1. Hey Lana,
      I certainly can empathize, I have quite a crew too. You already know about the Bean, my SN granddaughter, and now Dad has Alzheimer’s and requires a lot of time and energy. I have all the time in the world now that I’m not working, but no energy. On those days where I feel like I just can’t do it, I pray a few extra prayers.
      I think it’s a good idea to give your doc a call. A month and a half is an eternity when you get to the point when you are just trying to get through the next minute much less the next day.
      I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers hun. I hope that your pain breaks and you have that moment of pure joy like the biggest belly laugh imaginable!
      Keep in touch,ok?

Talk to me! :)

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