Browsed by
Month: June 2011

I asked and He answered

I asked and He answered

Hey all.  It’s been a little while…I’ve been conducting an experiment that sounds ridiculous, and now I’m starting to think it is.  My PC told me a while back when I wanted to go up on my pain meds that he thought that I would be in the same pain without them as I am with them.  I thought he was nuts. So he referred me to a pain clinic and on my first visit after describing all of my pain, the doc told me he thought that I was hypersensitive to the drugs.  Whaaa??  I have never heard of this, and this guy must be a smooth talker because after a while I was nodding my head and going uh huh, uh huh. ( I just found an article that explains Opioid Hypersensitivity Syndrome or Hyperalgesia here. )

So, I am in the process of dosing down off ALL pain medicines to see if they are causing me pain and making me sick.  Right about now I’m thinking, um no.  I am close to being off of them (this is the last week) and man that was fast.  He had me taking 30% less each week.  I had to put a clonidine patch on to help with the withdrawal.  These are the times that I question what the heck I am doing. I am in pain, and I’m in withdrawal, and I am barely functioning. As my kids say-this sucks.

But, I didn’t get on here to whine. Well, maybe a little… I wanted to write about my experience the other night.  My jaw was killing me. Like a 9 on the pain scale. And my pain scale is completely different now.  What was once a 9 is now like a 4, if that makes any sense. This pain is from a tooth gone completely wrong. A wisdom tooth too. Anyway, I’m holding my jaw, I’m crying and I’m thinking I can’t believe after everything I’ve been through I’m being taken down by a tooth!  So, I’m hurting and there’s no amount of orajel that’s going to give me any relief and I start to pray.  I’m asking God to please help me.  I can’t even see the pain is so sharp.  I have to be able to be there for the Bean. Please help me. And, my pain just diminishes. Just gradually easing up and poof. Gone.  I praised Him and thanked God, thank you, thank you!!

Sometimes I forget to ask God for help. Sometimes I feel selfish when I do.  He is showing me that He does love me. Unconditionally! I just wanted to tell everyone to ask God for help when you need it.  And yes, there are times when we don’t get an answer, at least that’s the way we see it. But I think that is the answer. Some things we have to figure out on our own to learn something.  Make sense?  Maybe 🙂

Until next time

Random thoughts

Random thoughts

My everything

It’s late and I have to get up so early tomorrow for a meeting with the Bean’s teachers and the school district.  Her specialized pre-school is separate from the school even though physically it is located in the school. So-Bean had to be tested all over again to see if she qualifies for special education for kindergarden.  It’s times like these that make me remember that she IS special-needs.  And I get sad. She is such an amazing little girl. I think, gosh, I wish she was ‘normal’, whatever that means. Not so it would be easier for us, but life would be so much easier for her.  I haven’t thought much about the future when it comes to her,  I have just been enjoying her each day.  But I spoke with someone today who asked me about our relationship, and how I came to be raising her and I found that telling the story out loud really hurt.  I cried.  I cried for her, and for my daughter.  Sometimes life feels so overwhelming, you can’t even begin to think about how you are going to make it through another day, and then you have those days where you are so happy, you can’t even believe you ever doubted yourself.  Does any of this even make any sense?  Probably not.  Im just coming out of a really hard flare, my mind is all cobwebby.

Alright. I”m off to sleep land.  Until next time,

Enhanced by Zemanta
%d bloggers like this: