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Month: January 2013

A Day Out Amongst the Normals

A Day Out Amongst the Normals

Today was a day for doing. I had a meeting in the early afternoon and just getting ready and getting out there seemed foreign to me.  I wouldn’t say I just realized that I’ve isolated this past year, but doing ‘normal’ things and having them feel so strange is a reminder for me to get out there. I’ve bubbled myself in this house and it feels really good to get out and do anything that’s not illness related.

So I meet my brother in the early afternoon for this appointment with a lawyer.  We’re talking and after we conclude our business she asks “So, which one of you is older?” Holy shit. I just looked across the table at J and said “Uh, he is.” My brother is almost 8 years older than me. Has hunkering down in my house for a year aged me like, a decade?? I already have issues with being 45. I don’t know when it happened. I was 35 and then bam! 45. Time is just flying by. Anyway, we head back towards home to let the dogs out and we have to be at my mom’s house at 6 for dinner. I made her a journal/planner thingy and I wanted to give it to her tonight, but our printer is out of ink.  So I put all the files on a flash drive to print it out at a store.  C says lets stop at the drug store down the street, they have a kiosk there where we can print them out.  We get into the store and I swear, I’m feeling like I’ve never been inside a drug store before.  I started to get that pre-panic attack feeling in my chest. We head into the camera department and find the kiosk and I couldn’t find the slot for the flash drive. I’m looking all over the machine and instead of asking someone for help I’m determined to find the dang slot. I had to ask. Turns out it’s hanging off the machine on the end of a cord. By then the Bean is all over the place. She’s tired from being in the car half the day and her blood sugars are low. She’s trying to climb on the unreasonably tall chair they have in front of the kiosk and simultaneously asking when we’re going to be at Nana’s house for the millionth time. I spend like 5 minutes going through the two thousand files (literally) that is on his flash drive and I’m not seeing the files. I realize that I forgot to save them as jpegs. They’re in psd format and the stupid machine doesn’t recognize them. By now it’s 4:30 and we jam back home so I can process them. Photoshop crashes about 5 times and what would only take a few minutes took a half hour. I’m a total wreck trying to get these files changed while C and Bean are waiting in the car. :/ By this time I don’t want to go back to the drug store. So we stop at a copy place on the way. The guy that works there tells us the machines only recognize pdf’s and power points and I’m thinking ‘whaaaa?’ He says he can put the flash drive in his computer behind the desk and print them out for me. It’s his cashier computer and he turns the screen and starts going through what I recognize as Window’s tutorials. I’m totally having a panic attack now. Bean is floppy, like flinging herself around the store.  When C walks over to peel her off of a woman that’s working there Bean says ‘Grampa’ and the woman stops what she’s doing looks at C and says “NO WAY!!! You’re WAY to young to be a grampa!” After not being recognized as younger than 53 earlier, hearing her say that to C made me want to slap her.  Or slap him for looking so dang young all the time. The clerk behind the counter is rambling something at me about his computer freezing and all I can hear is ‘wah wah wah’ and I feel that sweat drip down my neck and I look at C and he’s looking back at me like ‘I can’t help it!’ and I started giggling. Yes, I did. Inappropriate laughter-I’m always good for that. Bean looks at me and starts laughing because I am and then it’s infectious. I just want the damn print outs and I want out of the store and Bean is belly laughing. It took forever and 27 bucks and half of the papers with the tops cut off of the pictures later and we made it out of the store.

I HAVE to get out more regularly. I felt weird today, like people could tell that I felt uncomfortable. Physically though, I think I’m doing pretty good. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow morning if I overdid it today. Totally off topic but far more interesting-today is David Bowie’s birthday.  And I look way younger than him! If you’ve made it this far through my really boring and panic-filled day you deserve some Bowie. Click here for awesomeness.

Until next time,

Rockin the Steam Mop

Rockin the Steam Mop

It’s after midnight and I really have to get to sleep but I wanted to stop in and write. I always have something to say it seems, even if it’s about nothing. I still have. somethin. 🙂

So today I gave myself to do absolutely nothing until the afternoon rolled around. And I did nothing fabulously if I do say so myself! Then at 2:00 I whipped out the new steam mop and rocked these floors out. Literally. I had the rock music blaring, alternative, and I mopped 2 levels of the house and just swept down the third one. I felt pretty good abou myself. Normally I’d feel pretty bad about everyone else here though. See, when I clean I yell. lol I’d like to be able to say “I can’t help it!” but that would be a lie. We all have control over our emotions, at least to some extent. I get pissy when I clean because I start thinking “Why the hell am I doing all this? Why doesn’t anyone else do it??? Why don’t they care to live in a ‘beginner-level’ hoarders home??? And then the screams come out of me whether I want them to or not.

“Look out! Mom’s cleaning”. They say or “stay away from your mother. she’s cleaning.”  There’s no detailed explanation needed. They know that if they come into the same room with me I’m going to start exasperatingly screaming. ‘Why can’t you put a dish in the dishwasher??? Who has a bunch of cigarette butts out front?? Why can’t anyone sweep a damn floor around here?’ and so on. I really don’t like doing this, it makes me feel like a bad person.  Drumroll please….second time in a month that I haven’t yelled at anyone. Or even just yelled out to the universe, I don’t need anyone home to yell. I have been known to yell whether the family is around to hear me or not. hahaha I told Big C ‘I think I’m finally growing up! It only took 45 years.

Until next time,

 

Photoshop Madness

Photoshop Madness

I spent the majority of today fighting with photoshop. SO frustrating!! It was like it sensed that I actually had something to accomplish and it kept crashing or freezing at every turn. I’m finishing up a journal/planner for my mom. It was meant to be a Christmas present but I wasn’t anywhere near finished…so she’s going to get it for her birthday tomorrow. Now all I have to do is get this house whipped in to shape before she gets here tomorrow for dinner. It ain’t happenin tonight… 

 

Here’s a couple of pages from the journal. I used a template system by Tangie Baxter called Tangible Plans. LOVE it. I’ve been hooked on Tangie for a few years now, love her work. I’ll post a couple of links below. (this is not a paid post, just want to share her with you!)

This page is really busy but I like the way it turned out. 

Soon-ish….there’s a lot of really cute prompts in the kit. 

You can check out her blog here. 

Until next time

 

Hello 2013

Hello 2013

I really have just neglected this blog for the last year. 2012 was challenging to say the least. You’d think that I would come here and let it all out-blog therapy, but each time I sat down to write I just couldn’t. I wouldn’t call it writer’s block because I’m certainly not a writer, it’s more like everything has been so bad I really didn’t want to (couldn’t ?) write about it. I miss it here. I’m going to try and write a little…baby steps.

Instead of going back and talking about a year’s worth of life in this one post I’m just going to post a photo of my grandkids. We took our first neighborhood walk of the year today. As we were rounding the first corner I realized that we need to do this more often. It’s freezing here and the kids are going stir-crazy with this winter break being so long. (3 weeks!!) It was nice to just be outdoors where the girls could run and jump and yell. It made me feel better too. 🙂

Until next time,

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