It’s a beautiful day here today. It was supposed be 60 degrees today but I think it got warmer. I sat out back for a bit today to try and get some sun on my Elvira skin. I swear I thought I heard it sizzle. Ssssss, haha it’s hard being this pale. I freckle and burn like crazy. Anyway, I brought the laptop out back and made a scrapbook page of the Nugget. One of my all time favorite pics of her standing on our lawn with her arms stretched up in the air like ‘YEAH!!!’ She’s so dang adorable. She’s also the most devious of the grandkids. She plots and plans and she has a really bad poker-face because I can always tell when she’s scheming. I guess that sounds really bad, I mean when she’s scheming to blame something on her sister, trying to sneak an extra cookie, etc. Normal 4 year old plotting and planning.
Friendship, support, laughter, tears, empathy, encouragement, pumped-up, sometimes chided, love, celebrating, stories, mental hugs, strength, me too!s, vent sessions, pre-approved pity parties. This list could go on and on and you know what? I should make a complete list, as if it could ever be complete, a list of everything that I have gained in my life since I ‘lost’ my health.
I’ve had a few people ask me what, if any, good things have I gotten out of this whole chronic-life experience and I don’t even have to dig around to find one. The people. The women and men that I’ve met since 2006 are amazing. Amazing! The most understanding, giving people I’ve ever had the pleasure to have known. Somewhere in the mix I have become a better person myself. I wasn’t so bad to begin with (tooting own horn here) but I really feel that I have become a better person by going through this whole process.
Tolerance. I have so many friends now who are different than me. We tend to gravitate to people who are ‘like’ us. People that we meet in our lives, say through work or friends, we make friends with the ones who are most like us. Politics, religion, city or country, rock or soul, baseball or football, coke or pepsi. It’s just the way it is. That seems kind of silly right? But it really is how we find our mates in life and the people that we trust the most. When you have a large group of people with the one thing in common that is so extreme; disease and suffering, all of those other factors just drop off. We get to learn about people who are different than ourselves. I’ve learned that I STILL love some people after having to endure the political onslaught that rolled down my newfeed pre-election. HAHAHA oh my. You know who you are 🙂 Just using politics as an example, in the ‘real world’ i.e. pre-sickness, I probably wouldn’t sit down with someone with a zest for politics at the cafeteria at work because, hey, I would have to smile and nod while thinking ‘are you kidding me?’ And you can’t really start a friendship when you don’t have that common interest. Here’s where it gets good. When disease is the common interest, we learn to support, empathize, and build each other up for those really hard times. All of the other stuff falls off to the side and we get to know someone we might not have otherwise. Bonus! How lucky are we??? And what a way to be able to see people as a whole. Tolerance. It’s a good thing!
Third: understanding people better. I think that because of our loss, we gain a better understanding of all people. Our families that have to put up with a non-stop barrage of doctors visits, stuck in the bed times, seeing us at our base; worst and broken, fearing for our lives when we are in the hospital fighting for them. When you first get sick you think it’s all about you. Soon you realize it is far reaching and affects everyone who loves you. I can forgive myself now for being sick as it’s not a punishment. I can forgive my people who at times have been cruel though only through ignorance, and that went away pretty quickly as everyone wanted to learn all about the disease and what they couldn’t grasp on paper they got to witness first hand with someone they love. Love is the word that keeps popping up and man am I loved. And I love so strongly now, how could there have ever been another way??
OK, I want to share with you someone I met the other day. She has RA (rheumatoid arthritis) and writes the most awesome poems about her experiences. I sent her a message and asked if I could share one here and she said, yes! She is a very cool woman who I’ve no doubt that we will know each other for quite a while. You can just tell when you talk to someone that you will be friends, but instead of shrieking that out like the child that you are (meeeeee) you play it cool and use your big person voice and whatever social skills you have learned thus far. 🙂 Don’t be afraid Donna, I’m not a creeper or a stalker. he he he he
Here’s a poem that I loved, and felt it. And am going to share it with you.
Sometimes I just want to turn RA off for a while,
One little switch could make me smile.
There are other things I need to do,
And other people who need me too.
I’d produce these switches and give them away,
To anyone suffering in any way.
Just turn off all pain and flip happiness on.
It’s my perfect invention that can’t go wrong.
Check out her page on Facebook
just click the link below
Third day into Spring Break and I still haven’t sprung yet. Haha! The sun was shining today too. Ah well, there’s always tomorrow, tomorrow (I love ya, tomorrowwwww). I did get the kitchen cleaned and all of the floors swept. I didn’t even bother steam moppin as the dogs are tracking mud through the house EACH TIME THEY COME IN. Grrrr. This is going to sound pathetic but most times I just don’t have the strength to get down and wipe the mud off of their feet when they come in. So, our floors gets some prints and after a few days I’ll steam mop the heck out of them. Or tell myself that I’ll do it tomorrow….
I spent a good portion of time today working on the computer. I have jumped back in feet first with scrapbooking. This time I’m going to make it stick. It’s something that makes me happy, and I always feel good about each page when I complete it. Whether it looks good is a whole nuther matter. It just FEELS good to do something creative.
A few years ago I went on quest for the perfect photo editing/scrapbooking software. I managed to gather quite a collection of software over the past 5 years or so. I have Photoshop and I love it, My Memories Suite which I like a lot, but there is scrapping software out there that is so user friendly it’s pretty incredible, like Craft Artist Professional 2. I bought a couple of kits from Daisy Trail, CAP2’s site, and that was all it took to get me playing in it all day. (a lot of kits on sale this weekend for $1.99! I know! this sounds like a paid post but it’s not! I love them that much!
I’m going to stop exclaiming now!) I put together a collage of me and dad which I thought came out looking very pop art-ish. I blended it in with a colored paper and made a background page which I LOVE. But since it’s our heads on the entire page, I’m hesitant to cover it up with photos and elements lol.
Aight. I’m going to take my Ambien, put on Fringe season 2 and promptly pass out without seeing any of it.
Here’s the bg page. Is it weird because it has our
heads collaged? I like it!
It’s been a crazy past few weeks around here. A week ago today I was in the ER with a heart rate in the 150’s and palpitations. I had been up all night the night before with the most horrible all-over-body squeezing sensation. It felt like I was being constricted by a boa snake. I had recently started a new medicine that didn’t react well with one that I’ve been on for the past few years. I was told the reaction is rare and there ya go. If it’s rare more than likely I will experience it. I’m tired of being rare, thank you very much body! I stopped the medicine and those awful symptoms are gone.
I’m just hanging out today playing in photoshop and watching the Bean play with her toy kitchen. 🙂 She’s on Spring Break which sounded really exciting to her. When she asked me what it was and I told her it meant no school for a week and a half she said “oh man!!” LOL She does love school. If we can get a day of sunshine coinciding withe some energy, we will go visit the zoo. She’s never been before and it’s been years since I have.
Here’s to sunshiny days!
I spent the day doing absolutely nothing but scrapbooking. It was SO nice. I turned off the guilt filter. The one that pours into my head every thing that I should be doing or should think about doing. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. So when I get rid of those negative feelings it’s like ahhhh. I can just sit here and make art and memories and enjoy learning some new things in photoshop. Awesome.
A couple of years ago I joined a digital scrapbooking site and I would get on and do a few pages and then I would shut the computer and not go back for months. It was always in the bad months when pain and immobility were getting to me mentally. I couldn’t scrap, or blog for that matter. I guess this means I’m doing a bit better, huh? That’s always a good thing. I’m going to share with you a quote page I did. It’s not fancy or anything. I like the quote and I kept the page very minimal.
I saw my rheumatologist a couple of weeks ago for joint swelling and muscle constrictions. I was sure my blood work was going to come back normal as it has been for the past year.
I’m in remission with the DM. My muscles definitely are stronger than they have been in 6 years. Over the past year my biggest problem has been crippling fatigue with the runner-up being an all over weak/sick/poison-running-through-my-veins feeling. I hate that I can’t articulate it very well, and coming in last would be brain fog it’s an awful feeling. So when my muscles starting locking up on me I panicked. “What if the DM is active?” “What if I wasted this last year by feeling sorry for myself?” (I have a whole nuther post about 2012 as a whole) As it turns out my lab results show an extremely low Vitamin D level.
photo by Life Mental Health on Flickr
I started taking a mega dose of it once a week and I can tell the difference. I had one day where I woke up feeling GOOD!! I had a really good day and of course I used my energy on cleaning this house. I didn’t go to the book store (I call them heaven for books hee hee) I didn’t take the Bean out to the park or kids museum. I didn’t go to the mall to get some skinny clothes because yes! I have lost almost all of my prednisone weight!! woo hooo I need to work a little harder on priorities as you can see. I felt well and found a floor to mop and a toilet to clean.
I also started Cymbalta. I think their commercial is the one that says “Because depression hurts..” and I say hell yah it hurts. It hurts you emotionally. But they are talking about body pain. Hey, if it does that too I will be a happier and very grateful woman. Time will tell. I just think that it would be so amazing if all of my symptoms were due to low Vit D. What an easy fix. That would be so nice. Maybe then I could get well enough to enjoy this remission.
Do you have any experience with low Vitamin D level? If so, drop me a comment. How are you doing? 🙂 Gimme the scoop! lol
Until next time with a possible rant 😉