We’re in the process of packing to move across the country. It’s a job that seems undoable to me at the moment. Whatever’s going on in my body makes me really, really unreliable. When I’m standing upright I have an overwhelming need to lay down. Go horizontal no matter if I’m in public or not. Haha! I’ve never laid my body down on the ground while out in public but the awful rush of the feeling of gravity pulling me into the ground is almost unbearable. Have you ever been on a ride, like a roller coaster where the ride is going so fast that you feel the g-force pushing you backwards? That’s what it feels like except it’s pulling me into the ground. sigh. I’m so completely, completely over my body doing all of the weird stuff it does.
One of my specialists tells me it’s CFS/ME the other thinks the DM is becoming active again, albeit very slowly. I guess we’ll see in time if that’s what it is. For right now though, I can get up from a chair without using my hands. That sounds so simple, but it’s the major test with my rheum to check my muscle strength. I can do it!!! I can climb stairs, I can get out of bed, I can walk down stairs which was always harder than climbing them. My muscles, other than being atrophied, are doing what they’re supposed to be doing. I should be celebrating my remission!! But there’s something else going on. How unfair is that?? To be in remission and be sick as hell is supremely unfair. I just keep telling myself ‘your muscles are good. your muscles are good’…it’s my mantra and it’s all about perspective.
Whatever is going on in my body will not keep me down. We ARE going to be fully packed and ready to go by the end of the month. I’ve found a new mantra.
Until next time,