This is what I have been doing. I am addicted to digital scrapbooking and oh man, it is fun. Years ago I started traditional scrapbooking when my friend started selling Creative Memories. I felt like a very un-artistic person when I went to the parties and everyone had these elaborate scrapbooks and mine looked like a kindergardener had put it together. But now, when I open them up I think, who did this? I actually have a little bit of creativity in me. Anyway, digital scrapbooking is a lot more fun to me. The kits that are out there are amazing and you can find freebies just about everywhere you look. Ahem. I just about killed our bank account a couple of times getting carried away buying graphics. That was before I found out that there are tons of freebies. It really is cheaper than traditional as you can use the graphics over and over. No paper cutting!! And stickers? Oh man, I remember going to the craft store and looking at all the stickers and they were like 2 to 5 bucks a pack. With digital, you buy it once and can use them a million times. Can you tell I’m addicted? lol
I’m going to list a few places that are worth checking out:
These are just a few places where you can find some good freebies. If you google it there are hundreds more. I included in the list places where you can find free kits, fonts, and textures. Enjoy!
I haven’t blogged in almost a month, not because there’s nothing to write about. I’ve been really sick and my body never ceases to amaze me in ways that it can hurt. I decided to start writing about everything else, anything else really. I’ll be back soon =)
Kit used for above page: Autumn Illusions by Alla Designs at Scrappity Doo Dah
Usually the weather on Halloween here is unbearably cold. The kind of cold where body parts start to freeze and when you get home it hurts to thaw out. Not this year! I actually didn’t go out with the kids anyway, I was flaring sick. But they had tons of fun and got lots of treats. Which btw I think their momma nabbed it all because I can’t find any anywhere in the house. I could use some chocolate right about now…
Here’s a few shots of the kids looking very buggy and witchy. They are adorable if I do say so myself!
I woke up this morning just feeling the depression before I even had my eyes open all the way. I’ve been battling it for weeks now, but today is/was different. I felt like I’d already lost the battle and I hadn’t even gotten out of bed. I know this is a chemical thing, and I also know it is very selfish of me to entertain it, I just feel powerless today. My pain is very high. I feel poison running through my veins. It’s the only way to describe this feeling; I can feel it running through my veins. I’m itchy. I’m restless. I’m a mess.
I have so many things to be thankful for, and to be grateful for. My family. Are. Amazing. My partner in this life is a saint to be putting up with even a fraction of all the shit I seem to be throwing around lately. He is my heart, my reason. The Bean is amazing as always. I feel the most guilt over her. I feel like I am not giving her what she needs. I’m always sick. I imagine us going to the library, to the park, heck, even just to the store. But ‘Gramma is sick’ is what she hears. Big C corrects me and shows me just how happy she is. My mother is always there for me and Bean. She takes her to the park the library, the mall. I am forever grateful.
I thought if I sat down and tried to put into words what is making me itch, causing me pain that i would feel better. I think the only way I’m going to feel better is to consciously choose to be happy. That sounds so simple. And impossible today. Is this depression? Or is it guilt. I feel so guilty for being sick all the time.
I get the weirdest spam on this blog. There’s tons that are just gobbledy-gook like a cat ran down the keyboard and here in there in the mix are some smut words. Other times there is a paragraph of nonsense. Makes me laugh as I go through them. Here’s one
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It reminds me of grade school when the teachers gave you your first ‘real’ writing assignment and it has to be x amount of words. Lookout thesaurus! I’m gonna throw in as many descriptive words as I can get away with for describing the waters George Washington was crossing. A for effort to the spammer above, although it was probably just computer generated.
Life is still the same as it’s been all Summer, except now it’s Fall. I’ve been battling depression and trying to fake it ’til I make it. It a motto Big C and I stand by and I try really hard. But lately, I’ve been mopey. I had my infusions last week. My ‘head pain’ came back and my rheumy threatened to pull the plug. I whipped on my shades and then proceeded to cry like a baby in front of all the other infusees. He said it was too dangerous, chance of me having a stroke. Huh? I sure didn’t read that anywhere. So C and I pretty much begged. The infusion nurses, who btw are saints, suggested I take an oral toradol added to my pre-meds, and then IV toradol at the end of the day. This being what stopped my head from exploding in the ER the month before. He agreed and put it the order and the next morning I showed up just praying, praying for no pressure that ultimately turns into the head pain. I took my pre-meds, tylenol, benadryl, and toradol along with my regular pain meds and sat back in the chair and prayed. The infusion nurse chatted as she hooked up my IV and I prayed silently some more. Well, before they hang the bag of immunoglobulins, they hang a bag of solu-medrol as part of my pre-med package. It’s like liquid prednisone (yuck) I feel fatter just thinking about it. Anyway, as soon as the drip started my head started to swell with incredible pressure. It’s the solu-medrol not the IVIG!! I was so happy!! I can continue with the infusions! And that’s when I found out my rheumy decreased my dose this time as a precaution. He told me it’s the least amount he could give me without stepping in to the non-therapeutic range. Well-it’s been over a week, and I’m not feeling better like I did last time. I was SO looking forward to that well-floating-in-a-cloud-back-to-healthy-feeling. It’s not coming and I’ve got the pity party blues.
I’ve got to get into the shower, pull up my bootstraps and fake it ’til I make it. Woot! Or, I could stay in bed and scrap. That sounds good too. I’ve got tons of new graphics just waiting to be pieced together around my beautiful family. I’m thinking I’m going to choose the latter. As a matter of face, I already chose =)
Until next time
Picture above: I got that shot on the way to the hospital’s infusion center in a moving car. It came out pretty good considering, but I tossed it into Picnik and did some heavy duty editing with all the goodies they have. =)
I just wanted to drop a quick THANK YOU for all of you out there who diligently texted and facebooked and on-site voted for Cure JM to win in the Pepsi Refresh Challenge. Oh my gosh, I still can’t believe we won!!!!! It’s amazing, wonderful, incredible, and oh so needed! Thank you. All the children with JM have some more hope for a cure with the 250,000 prize money to go towards research.
This video is by Lisa Copen, founder of Rest Ministries; a Christian non-profit for the chronically ill. Rest Ministries puts out Hopekeepers Magazine as well as hosting a social networking site called Restministries and Hopekeepers Sunroom. I’m a big fan of Lisa, who started this all up on her own while battling crippling RA. If you check out the site you’ll find a bookstore that has some really good books on chronic illness, invisible illness, and more. She’s definitely one of my inspirations, one of my heros!
OK, here’s my disclaimer. This is not a paid advertisement for any of the above. This post is my opinion, from my perspective. With that said, here ya go.
What a weird week, it’s only Tuesday, but it feels like it’s been such a long week. We were going to go out for a drive yesterday to take some pictures but the Bean got sick and she is too funny when she has a cold. She doesn’t speak in sentences yet, but she does have a few words. One of her FAVORITE words is Elmo. She says elmo over and over and over…you get the picture. So yesterday she grabs one of her elmo toys and says ‘elbow’, over and over as a giant snot bubble bobs up and down in slow motion from the tip of her nose. I thought I was going to lose it. I can handle kid poop, vomit, blood, pretty much anything, except for boogers. I dry heave if I see a kid picking his nose. Those people, you know the ones, they blow their nose and then have to open the kleenex and insect it, yup, if I see that I start screaming and then pass out. So anyway, I have to deal with the bobbing bubble and every time she says ‘elbow’ it gets bigger and bigger. I guess there’s worse things in life than having to pop a snot bubble with some kleenex while trying to keep your coffee down, but at the time I couldn’t think of anything. I know, I’m a baby. But, it’s OK. I am a really strong woman in all other areas, I figure I deserve to be weak about something and about snot is totally acceptable in my book. cmon! OK, that was way too many words in this post having to do with a toddler and her body fluids. Well, just a few more words….this morning when she woke up, she popped up in her crib and said, “HI!” just like every morning except this particular one, half of the hair on the left side of her head was stuck to her nose….
I am blessed to get to see this smiling face each morning when I wake up, snot bubbles or not. She really grounds me. She doesn’t know it, but she is an integral part of my coping when it comes to living with chronic illness. I’ve said it before, she is my pain pill.
The other day I did a search for some videos on RA. I’ve added a few to my vodpod on the page here if you’d like to check them out. I’m still trying to find a good video on small fiber neuropathy.
Nap time for the bean and I’m going to join her. Until next time
What a fitting title, lame duck. We are going to have to wait until next month or possibly next year to see what happens with the Arthritis act. There was no Senate consideration of the bill during the November session. But let’s not get discouraged. Thanks to all of you who wrote letters; I don’t think that they were in vain. The Arthritis Foundation even states that our work is evidenced with the unanimous House passage of the Arthritis Act in late September. We WILL see this through!
Earlier today I’m sitting out back and the woman who lives in the house behind us is watching me. I can tell because I feel that feeling you get when someone is watching you and sure enough, when I turn to look, her head disappears in her window. I’m in my bathrobe at 4 in the afternoon with a case of the most ridiculous bedhead and I’m crying. I see her and I wonder, what is she thinking? Let me backtrack.. …