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My Big Fat Greek Mom Guilt

My Big Fat Greek Mom Guilt

No, I’m totally not Greek at all. I was trying to be hip. Oh wait, hip’s not hip. Oh what? That movie was like big, like, a decade ago?? Haha, you know as I was writing that I thought, hey this is the funniest stuff! I do try though, don’t I?

Today is our son’s 23rd birthday. He lives a few hours above us, and due to his work schedule and his fiancee’s work/school schedule, plus the fact that they probably don’t wanna hang with the moms and pops when they do finally get some downtime, we don’t get to see them as often as we’d like. He decided he wanted to come down and go camping with his dad. 🙂 Perfect! But-I told everyone I couldn’t go, my body has been weird to me lately and I didn’t think I could make it in the heat and in a tent. I know. I have the most understanding of kids. They really do rock. So that’s not the guilt, here’s the guilt-I kept Bean here with me. She’s not awake yet and Big C and I could come up with nothing that would magically make her feel better about being home with me. She got to stay up late last night and see everyone, so she knows that they’re here. She gets SO excited when her uncle K’s fiancee comes. I say she likes A more that she likes candy and I’m right.

She’s timid when it comes to the outdoors, she has a hard time walking trails and fear leads to meltdowns of epic proportions. I really wanted Big C to have some quality camp time with K and the rest of the gang. If we had her go, Big C would be spending all of his time trying to soothe her so I made the executive decision to keep her with me. Here’s the thing. She has no idea that when she wakes up everyone will not be here and what the heck am I going to tell her. I kept asking C last night, help me think of a good way to tell her. Or just not a really bad way to tell her. I still don’t know. I’m thinking I’m going to tell her that they went camping for one night, and that I really wanted her to come with me to visit Nanna. And just hope she doesn’t hate me forever. (<—- melodramatic haha)

That’s all I’ve got for now. I’m going to leave you with the cutest pic of K when he was the cutest. :0)

 

AAAHHHHH!!! He was so dang cute. Now he’s an adult and he’s still dang cute but I don’t want to pinch his cheeks anymore. They’re all beardy.
Until next time,
A gift from the bean

A gift from the bean

I have been taking care of my granddaughter for the past week and I gotta tell ya, she has really grounded me. I think that sometimes I get caught up in the ‘doom and gloom’ thinking when it comes to my life. Being chronically ill means forever. Sometimes that is a little overwhelming and I get caught up in it. I’m still mourning my old self, and I do realize that there is a healthy way to do this and an unhealthy way. I’ve allowed myself to jump into the latter and roll around in self-pity for a while now.

I’ve been hanging out with a 2 year old and she is teaching me a lot. Each day when she wakes up she has the biggest smile. She can’t wait to get up and see what the day brings. Her zest for life is infectious. I watch her and I can’t wait either 🙂 She doesn’t have a care in the world that goes farther than which toy is going to be played with today, and how many kisses she can give out. She is a serial kisser. Last night we were shoe shopping for her and when we got to the checkout she blew the bagboy a kiss. Every new experience to her is a joy and as we were rolling through the store she was shouting out, HI HI to each and every person she saw. Many people ignored her as they wound their way through the store, lost in their own thoughts and in a hurry to get home. The ones that didn’t acknowledge her had permanent frowns. My first instinct was to smack the shit out of them for being so rude to the bean ( a gramma’s love knows no bounds!! Tawanda!!) and then I felt sorry for them. She could teach them so much about being happy for the simple, everyday things.

Odds are I won’t be going back to my old life of working full-time in the stressful field that I was in. But that’s OK. I was fortunate to have been a part of that for the time that I had. The Big C and I don’t go out on the weekends and go dancing anymore, but I WAS fortunate enough to have had my health then and gotten to do that. I have to keep this type of thinking going because I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now. Everything is going to be alright.

I’ve been given a gift by a little shorty that’s 2. She doesn’t know and doesn’t care~she’s building a lopsided wall of Lego’s and smiling.

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