Depressed and optimistic, is that possible?
I have dropped off the radar again. Not intentionally; the days just seem to meld into one long day, and I’ve been so sick, time is getting away from me. I haven’t talked to my best friend in at least a month. Again, not intentionally. I’ve written so many ‘I’m sorry’ emails in the past, I just don’t know what to say anymore. I feel extrememly guilty about isolating, but at the same time, I can’t seem to stop. I had a horrible realization a few days ago, and it was-I make it through each day and try and get well enough to make it to my next doctor visit. I actually missed my last one. I couldn’t get out of bed so C went and picked up my prescriptions. This is no way to live, I feel powerless to change it.
Between non-stop flaring and being a momma, I have no time for anything anymore. Facebook, my Christian groups, Flickr, television, nada. For those who aren’t computer-heads it’s not much of a big deal, but the computer has become part of my life since becoming ill. It’s my ticket out into civilization, lol. …