A gift from the bean

A gift from the bean

I have been taking care of my granddaughter for the past week and I gotta tell ya, she has really grounded me. I think that sometimes I get caught up in the ‘doom and gloom’ thinking when it comes to my life. Being chronically ill means forever. Sometimes that is a little overwhelming and I get caught up in it. I’m still mourning my old self, and I do realize that there is a healthy way to do this and an unhealthy way. I’ve allowed myself to jump into the latter and roll around in self-pity for a while now.

I’ve been hanging out with a 2 year old and she is teaching me a lot. Each day when she wakes up she has the biggest smile. She can’t wait to get up and see what the day brings. Her zest for life is infectious. I watch her and I can’t wait either 🙂 She doesn’t have a care in the world that goes farther than which toy is going to be played with today, and how many kisses she can give out. She is a serial kisser. Last night we were shoe shopping for her and when we got to the checkout she blew the bagboy a kiss. Every new experience to her is a joy and as we were rolling through the store she was shouting out, HI HI to each and every person she saw. Many people ignored her as they wound their way through the store, lost in their own thoughts and in a hurry to get home. The ones that didn’t acknowledge her had permanent frowns. My first instinct was to smack the shit out of them for being so rude to the bean ( a gramma’s love knows no bounds!! Tawanda!!) and then I felt sorry for them. She could teach them so much about being happy for the simple, everyday things.

Odds are I won’t be going back to my old life of working full-time in the stressful field that I was in. But that’s OK. I was fortunate to have been a part of that for the time that I had. The Big C and I don’t go out on the weekends and go dancing anymore, but I WAS fortunate enough to have had my health then and gotten to do that. I have to keep this type of thinking going because I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now. Everything is going to be alright.

I’ve been given a gift by a little shorty that’s 2. She doesn’t know and doesn’t care~she’s building a lopsided wall of Lego’s and smiling.

5 thoughts on “A gift from the bean

  1. Well said Hinsley, you should be a writer…(lol) all kidding aside, we are rock stars 🙂 I feel a kindred spirit in you kiddo. You are dead on with what you said, and thank you 🙂

  2. Ahh, it’s a journey isn’t it.

    Some days really suck, other days you think you can endure, other days you’re grateful for having what you DO have, and then…it’s back to suck again. 🙂 Don’t be upset with yourself for what you’re calling self-pity. It’s OK to mourn our “old selves” or the things we used to do that no longer fit into our capabilities. Who wouldn’t mourn the loss of being able to ski if they were an avid skiier, for example? And those with a chronic illness, and those with a constant progression of disease, illness, or pain, lose a LOT at ONE time. It’s so much to adjust to…

    I was watching The Amazing Race today, and there is a couple participating (and kicking butt I might add) who are maybe late 60’s or so. They are in a race around the world, running, climbing, seeing the most amazing things…and I am enjoying the show, until it hits me that I may never get to walk around Europe. I may never get to do a “zip line” or take a tour of the rainforest because my body won’t let me do it. It’s a lot to wrap the brain around. But, how special and cool are we that we can not only “live” with these realizations, but write about it, boost others up with what we have learned, find new ways to enjoy life, and still feel incredibly grateful for the air that we breathe? I think we’re rock-stars. 🙂

    Look at you…enjoying playing with a child, shoe shopping with her, enjoying her sheer bliss for being alive!

    Keep on keepin’ on, OK?


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